Sometime this coming year, we taxpayers may again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, explained by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the government will give to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the local economy by spending your stimulus payment wisely:
If you spend the stimulus money at the Warehouse the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala and The Philipines.
If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in NZ by:
1) Spending it at garage sales
2) Going to the Football
3) Spending it on prostitutes or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only genuine New Zealand businesses still operating in NZ)
Conclusion:
Go to a football game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a garage-sale and drink beer all day!
Just glad to be of help.
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