In 2004 we published Peter Isaac's book The New Gobbledygook, a dictionary and guidebook to newspeak; now an Australian, John Croucher, has published an equivalent book with helpful, amusing and - shall we say - rather cynical interpretations of fancy words and phrases that you see in Real Estate Ads, Job Ads, Management Proclamations and the like.
Some examples:-
Real estate euphemisms
"low maintenance lot" - it has no backyard
"wildlife nearby" - there are snakes in the nextdoor property
"uninterrupted views" - there are no trees
"cross ventilation" - there's no glass in the windows
"country living" - it's too far to drive to work
"storybook cottage" - it has a pitched rather than a flat roof
"olde world grandeur" - nothing has been repaired since it was built
Jobs and the workplace
"paradigm shift" - what we're doing isn't working, we're going to try something else
"blue sky thinking" - you have no idea what you're doing, neither do we
"make internal efficiencies" - remove all the things that make your job worthwhile and possibly starting firing people
"cost containment procedures" - same as above
"you can put your hat into the ring" - you've got no chance of being successful
"adherence to guidelines will be a factor in your periodic review" - if you don't do what we tell you you'll be marked down
"information session" - we tell you and you listen only
"being a team player" - no original thoughts are allowed
"applicants should apply in person" - we need to see if you're fat, ugly or old
Both books are available in our on-line shop.
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